To start off my revision I just read my paper out loud. I really liked it. I guess I have some bias but there is really no paragraph I don’t like. Well I wrote the draft so of course I like it. I got very little bad comments on my revisions from my peers to my disappointment. Apparently my agreement was very strong, although I wish they ripped into me, the advice I did get I had usually already thought off. I do know what MLA format is so I changed it to that, I was just trying to save paper on the first draft. I hope Elisha makes a fool of my essay so I can show some more growth.
I did change one of the quotes to a block quote. hopefully this will give the essay just a nice touch of structure, and maybe a little flow. I also came up with a title for the essay “why it’s Okay to Make Art”. Yes I know it’s not super original but after reading my essay again I believe that what it answers. I am willing to change my title though, and everything so I am excite for Elisha’s feedback. I did like the little seagull’s points in W-4 and I think I hit most of them except for parallel structure. I’m gonna try an incorporate this into the essay but i’m also worried trying it will make my vocabulary repetitive. In the example paragraph I actually didn’t like how repetitive it was, so we will see.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1T8fv_euyBdQaSGPFCCKrd4uTnN1L0lUrs2I4z-ngeJU/edit
